A Constant Reminder

PTTAAF 4*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

Quick question... If an escalator is broken, it turns into stairs, right?  Right...So, what's the policy on going up a "broken escalator" that usually descends and vice versa?  I guess if you have no knowledge to the original direction of the escalator when it was functioning..... you get a pass to walk up the newly transformed stairs?  Scratch that...I don't think that made any sense.  Instead of being philosophical...I'll just stick to things I have talent for...like bitching.

Hajimemashou!! <--- That means "let's start" in Japanese.  Hey, now you can say you learned something today....unless you already knew that...

Back to Basics

I've already scratched the surface of etiquette in one of my older posts: The American Demise* - The Deterioration of Human Propriety  But, I'd like to add s'more sub-points to this topic.  I think that politeness and intellect have a positive or direct relationship.  Well, this is probably not true...because usually the southern population is nicer than the northern.... And Southerners tend to be on the less educated side...I'll emphasize that this is my opinion, because the ruder the person is the more likely I think they are an incompetent piece of shit. 

16.  When people stop right in front of where the escalator ends

OK... let me calm down for a second.  *Exhales*  First off, typically there are people behind you on an escalator so if you stop in front of constantly moving stairs....the person behind you is going to run your ass over.  Let's just do a little role playing shall we?

So picture a full escalator with a person at every other step.  Let's say that the escalator is going down and is only wide enough for a single passenger per step ... Imagine that the person at the very bottom of the escalator stops abruptly when stepping off of the escalator.  Does anyone see a problem here?  The only option the person behind this dumb shit has, is to either attempt to back up and cause a reverse domino effect or to plow through that stupid person who stopped in the middle of a moving staircase to start texting another idiotic friend.  I vote shove the moron over and then step to the side of the escalator so each of the descending passengers can give you a high five.

Also, I like having my own person space.  The imaginary bubble that I live in and dislike wholeheartedly if someone bursts it.  I'm assuming everyone has their own bubble and the size of this bubble varies.  Anyway, here's a few questions:  Why do some people insist on being on the step right behind you?  Do they really like ass in their face while automatically inclining?  If this is the case, I suggest pleasing their peculiar philia and let out a well deserved flatulence.  What more can they want?  Now they not only get to see ass, but taste it.

17.  When people ignore you when you say, "Excuse me."

At all times, I try to be as courteous and polite as possible.  My best efforts are put forth in to remembering to say, "please" and "thank you" whenever necessary.  Most of these gestures are ignored, but "excuse me" needs to be heard and reacted to.  If there's a hallway I need to get through and it is packed with people, I usually try to snake my way through while excusing myself.  But, sometimes there isn't enough space for a three dimensional person to fit through.  When this happens, the situation should play out something like this:

Me:  "Oh, excuse me.  I need to get by you."

Sane person:  "Oh, OK.  No problem."  (and moves out of the way)

Me:  "Thank you very much."

Nice right?  Quick and easy, but this is what usually occurs:

Me:  "Oh, excuse me.  I need to get by you."

Moron:  ..... (just looks at me and turns back around)

Me: "Um...ok." (Now squeezes my way through)

Moron:  (gives me an ugly look while I'm passing by)

Me:  *whispering under my breath*  "Fucking idiot..."

I don't know about you.....but situation number one looks like a winner. 

18. When people sit at the end of a row instead of moving toward the center or all the way down

This especially pisses me off on campus because the rows/aisles are so narrow.  People have two choices:  (1)  An ass in their face (2) A pelvis in their face  Neither one of these sound appealing to me.  The easiest solution is to just move all the way down so that new comers can be easily seated.  All of you know that things aren't done in a way that are sensible...so that means that most people who first walk into a room pick the end seats.  When you have to get by these people what happens?  They do that whole deal where they move their legs to one side to let you through.  This is never enough room to pass by.  When people lunge over other's knees it looks as if they're practically sitting in their laps.  That or they're getting a free lap dance before the bell rings.  I guess it all depends on how you look at it. 

19.  Going to Wal-Mart when there are a lot of idiots present...Oh, wait that's all of the time. Let me rephrase:  Going to Wal-Mart

     A.  When people leave their shopping carts in the middle of the aisle

First of all, the only time I go to Wal-Mart now is to grab a few items for cooking or whatever; but in high school, Wal-Mart was equivalent to a theme park.  Sadly, this is one of many downsides from living in a small town.  Anyway, the point I'm getting at is that going to Wal-Mart is a quick in and out kind of deal, no smoozing  around.  That means no cart, just a hand blue carry basket.  So, when I'm only taking up my body's physical space in an aisle along with my basket, I expect the other customers to be as considerate with their cart.  Of course this isn't the case.  I seem to be always caught  in the middle of an aisle because to my right there's a lady who left her kid buckled to the cart to snag her third helping of Activia from a sample table, and to my left is an old lady with a cart full of cat or probably in her case geriatric food. So, what's the solution when you're trapped between two carts in an aisle?  I for one do not know the answer, but one would think it is to just scooch over a cart to free myself from the confinement in front of canned liverwurst and Spam.... But, NO! If you move someone's cart one centimeter...actually no, if you even touch another person's cart they flip out.  Look, I'm not trying to steal your snot nosed baby, you're the one that got yourself preggers so that's your problem.  And my other option, Cat Lady?  Well, I wouldn't want to mess with her because it's only down hill for her since Chef Boyar-Meow Mix is what's for dinner.  You might ask, "Well, what the hell do you do in this situation?"  Well personally, I release an exhale that I make sure gets noticed, and then I cross my arms and just wait for one of them to move out of my way.  I know this sounds ridiculously passive aggressive, but believe me that sigh will pierce their little hearts....or piss 'em off....Either way you're golden.

     B.  The "express" line

"Express" is in quotation marks because it's a pseudo word Wal-Mart likes to use to deceive customers.  It's almost a joke actually.  Because on every occasion that I stand in that supposed "express" line, I am stuck behind the slowest people alive, or the "speedy" checker is a frail old lady who is frightened by the new 20 and 50 dollar bills. The funniest part of these lines is that there's an "item limit."  I'm not sure if people don't know how to read, or if they're just that inconsiderate....but that "15 items or less" sign is never obliged.  There's always a woman in line that probably just got her welfare/unemployment check and has just raided all of Wal-Mart's aisles.   And of course this woman is in front of me in the "express lane," and I only have a bag of chips and some chewing gum.  D'ya think she was courteous enough to let me check out before her?  Before you answer "yes," let me just remind you that she's probably an unemployed mother of 10 and has been supported by the government since she lost her last permanent tooth.  Of course the answer is NO! That's just one scenario.

  Let me just list some others that I've been lucky enough to experience in the express line:

• When the person in front of me pays with all coins.  I have no problem with paying with coins, but your math skills have to be at least par to 1st grade for this.  And trust me, these people play with a handicap in math.
• When the customer and the cashier are having a long conversation and there is obviously a line forming.
• When you're waiting in line and then when you finally get to the front, the cashier turns off the register light.*  *Indicating that his/her register is closed.
  
• When the person checks out and doesn't have money for all of their items.  I understand that sometimes you can be a few dollars short, but don't go shopping with twenty bucks and fill up your cart with 50 bags of Cheetos or whatever and then get surprised that you don't have enough money.  The worst part is that these people cannot estimate the amount of money needed.  So they'll tell the cashier to take off one item at a time to see if they can afford it.....Uh, I swear the next time I'm behind a person like this I'm going to flip. 

I'm sure there are many more, but I should stop before I go into another anger outburst.  Anyway, I'm not sure if every person encounters these problems, but I for one always do.  I've come to terms that I am indeed an idiot magnet.  I've just accepted this fact, but luckily being an idiot magnet is good for you.  Because what else could I blog about?  I think I'll just stick to what I'm good at....which is of course bitching and moaning. 

     C.  The Self-Check Out

When this came out I was excited because it seemed like it would solve some of my Wal-Mart line discrepancies.  *Sigh*  Once more it's just another let down.  People are just too incompetent for self checkout. I thought that putting a barcode to a scanner wouldn't take much brain activity, but I guess it does.  Self checkout I guess is the poor man's sudoko.  I won't get into this one with much detail, but I'm sure you can imagine what occurrences could happen.  I mean if you let people do someone else's job on their own....you know that this is a guaranteed head throb.

That was a lot on Wal-Mart...my apologies.

20.  When people with umbrellas walk under covered walkways

I've already established in Free Car Wash that I never have an umbrella when it rains.  Today I was trying to walk under some of the few covered walkways on the Drag, but was bombarded with all of the people who had umbrellas.  Since I'm trying not to get wet I should have the right of way under the covered walkway.  Sheesh... they already have an umbrella and that takes up most of the sidewalk.  I mean people don't keep their umbrellas open when they go through buildings...what's the difference here?  When I was walking today it was as if the sidewalk was an obstacle course and I had to duck and maneuver myself out of harms way from the sharp and jagged metal points of the umbrellas.  I should have just crouched low enough to stay under all of the umbrellas, but that would have been too much effort.  My sis was smarter about it.  She just swatted away the umbrellas like flies. 

You should all know the drill by now... Click -->HERE <---